Freewrite: Death, Anxiety, Running, Vacation

There are things on my mind but I haven’t really known what to say or how to say them, but after a solo weekend away (full truth: it was a work trip, and I pre-spent my income from the weekend on a nice hotel room for myself, and it was the best), I figure now is as good a time as any to free-write all my thoughts out, right?

DEATH

A couple weeks ago I found out that someone I knew passed away in August. I had just deleted my Facebook prior to that and somehow missed the memo otherwise, and it hit me hard when I googled to try to find her website again to see what she’s been up to, and found out that she and her new husband had died in a car accident. I wrote out my thoughts on a blog post that somehow disappeared, so I took that as a sign to keep it to myself. But it’s worth mentioning, because I’m still thinking about her death, and death in general.

Basically, this quote:

“I wonder what it would mean, what effect it would have in my life to know that I had only one more day to live. How would I treat my wife, my children, and others? How patient and polite would I be? How would I take care of my body? How fervently would I pray and search the scriptures? I think that, in one way or another, we all at some point will have a “one more day” realization—a realization that we must use wisely the time we have.” – Elder Taylor G. Godoy

And this quote:

“In a bizarre, backwards way, death is the light by which the shadow of all of life’s meaning is measured. Without death, everything would feel inconsequential, all experience arbitrary, all metrics and values suddenly zero.” – Mark Manson

In Mark Manson’s book “The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck” (which is very very good and I’ve listened to the audiobook twice—but I do not recommend if you don’t care for swearing), he has a whole section on death, and I just listened to it again on my drive home today. Basically, it’s good to remember that YOU AND I WILL BOTH DIE SOMEDAY. Because when we remember that, it’s easier to not give an eff about the things that really don’t matter.

ANXIETY, SADNESS, RUNNING

Due to some anxiety and sadness lately over some life things, I’ve started running more again. I cut back a lot last summer due to tiredness, focusing energy on creative endeavors, then focusing my time on a relationship. I love running, but I find that it’s a similar outlet as creativity, and I don’t always have the energy or time to give 100% to both at the same time. And relationships? Nothing matters more to me, whether it’s friendships, dating relationships, or family. I realize it’s a value I hold, and as long as those relationships are healthy, it is well worth cutting back on running goals to nurture those relationships.

I’ve chosen to not post about my recent runs on Instagram just because it’s sacred me time right now. I need it.

But if you wanted to imagine what that Instagram picture would look like: it’s just me running in the dark (morning or night), overdressed with ear warmers AND gloves AND a fleece jacket even though it’s not THAT cold yet, and thus sweating profusely. Got that picture in your mind? Good. Continuing on…

Running goals though! I can say something here. Right now I’m just building up my base again. I intend to do a small “race” later this month with some girlfriends (not actually “racing” though, just enjoying our time). I intend to then train for a half marathon next spring, with a specific goal in mind.

VACATION WEEKEND

It was very nice, thank you.

IN CONCLUSION

Thanks for reading! I hope it makes sense. I don’t feel like editing it.

P.S.

New article of mine on the Healthy Humans Project website: The Two Things That Helped Me Forgive