Betrayal Trauma Recovery Resources (and Strong + Gentle Episode 7 Show Notes!)

I’ve written a bit about betrayal trauma recovery on my Instagram (#allietalkstrauma), and now I’ve talked about it on a podcast episode (the Strong + Gentle Podcast is available on iTunes and Stitcher). I’ve had people ask me for resources for recovery, and here are some that I’ve found beneficial.

Friends, doing the work to heal is some of the best work you’ll ever do… it’s some of the best work I PERSONALLY have ever done. If you are just at the beginning of this, if your loved one just disclosed a very difficult thing to you, I’d say, find yourself a support group— the LDS church (of which I am a part of) has spouses and family of addicts support groups all around the world. There are other organizations like Al-Anon for family members of alcoholics that I have heard are great resources. I would recommend not telling everyone, or even most people, because often these things are so delicate for everyone involved. But I highly recommend finding SOMEONE you can confide in—ideally someone of the same gender, someone you trust, perhaps someone who has been in your situation, or someone who can show compassion, love, and support. One of my best support people hadn’t been in my situation, but always listened, always showed loving empathy, and showed love to both me and the other person involved. She was/is an amazing friend and support.

Here are some resources I’d recommend.

Spiritual + 12-Step:

I incorporated a lot of spiritual work with my recovery. Here are some resources and general inspirational words from the church I am a part of, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints:

Addiction Recovery Program for the LDS Church (+ Spouse and Family Support Program) — Support groups + 12-steps for both addicts and family of addicts.

Healing Through Christ — a 12-step manual from an LDS perspective, but not specifically put out by the LDS Church. This has been my favorite resource, though. My copy is marked up, at least the first few steps 🙂

The Master Healer by Carole M. Stephens — This talk is not specific to betrayal trauma recovery, but it is so comforting, and was one of my regular listens. (I often listened to the audio while I was driving, or when I was in bed.)

Heartbreak and Hope: When a Spouse Uses Pornography (Ensign Magazine, February 2017) — A beautiful article that shares the silver linings to working through this tough situation.

Websites / Blogs:

Bloom — The Bloom program, associated with Addo Recovery in Lindon, Utah, is an online program for partners or former partners of addicts. They have a lot of educational videos, hobby videos (because learning to feel joy again and living your own life is absolutely a thing!), and even yoga for betrayal trauma recovery. — and more!

Adam M. Moore — is a therapist in Utah. His website has a lot of really great resources—from articles to lectures and workshops. I highly suggest his video on setting boundaries.— Scabs is a life coach, hosts retreats, is a beautiful writer, and sistas, she has BEEN there. I suggest reading through her blog just to even feel less alone in this.


Codependent No More by Melody Beattie— GAMECHANGER. I used to feel shame at the word “codependent,” but this book helped me understand my experience: I loved someone deeply who was dealing with some really dark things, and of course I want to help. It logically makes sense. Does that mean it’s the best approach? Nope. This book still helps me feel grounded if I find myself falling into codependent thoughts or patterns.

The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie — Short, daily meditations to help you heal from and stay out of codependency.

You Can Heal Your Life by Louise Hay — This is the book I universally suggest to everyone ever. It is all about using affirmations to heal your life, improve your circumstances, etc. …which sounds so basic, but she dives into it beautifully. I have the book AND audiobook. It’s just a really good book to help me feel more balanced and hopeful.

What Can I Do About Me? — This book is specific to partners of sex addicts and pornography addicts. It suggests (brace yourself 😉 that instead of trying to change our partners, we should work on our own healing, growth, and lives. Crazy stuff 😉 haha! But it’s the truth. The author has been there, in the crummiest situations, and both she and her husband are a great couple to look at who has gone through the darkness and are now healing, thriving, and helping others.

Out of the Shadows — If you are looking to straight up understand sex addiction, this is a great book for that. While some of it was hard for me to read (and brought up more fears at the time), I know people who swear by it and suggest it to everyone. It goes into not just pornography addiction, but the different levels of sex addiction, some quite severe. But, knowledge is HUGE in this journey. And that makes this book worth at least looking into reading.

And finally…

Lemonade by Beyonce. 😉 Haha! (But really: Hold Up. It’s a good one!)

And the Strong + Gentle episode about healing from trauma, featuring my friend Tyler Carpenter.

Race Recap: Mt. Nebo Half Marathon

Written Monday, 28 August 2017.

I went into this race aiming for a sub-2 half marathon. I didn’t get it.


Pros: The course itself was gorgeous. I was grateful to be able to drive up with Brad and his friends Kaden and BreeAnn, and BreeAnn and I actually ran the first 9 miles together, which was a pleasant surprise (a lot of people have different paces and such, so it was a tender mercy to have her, someone I had just met, to run with). There were times when I’d look up and just be amazed that I was running in this lush forest. It was gorgeous. And it was all downhill, which helped me keep my pace up and felt fun and fast.

Cons: The downhill killed my legs. I noticed this probably while I stopped to walk an aid station around mile 4 or 6. My legs were jello even then. People had told me this, but I had trained some downhill, and my last half was downhill as well down American Fork Canyon, but not THIS kind of downhill.

Haley taped my shoulder the night before the race (thank you KT Tape and Haley!) and I stretched it in the morning and right before the race. It hurt from probably miles 2-4 though, until BreeAnne helped me stretch it at I think the mile 4 aid station. Because of my shoulder, I feel like I was very self-aware the whole race, noticing my posture, re-adjusting slightly here and there when I felt an ache or imbalance anywhere (That was a pro I guess!). About halfway through the race, around miles 6 or 8, I reached up to wipe sweat from my forehead… and there was none. And that was a red flag for me because I always sweat A TON. So I knew something was up. At each aid station after that I tried to drink a bit more water but I never started sweating, or at least not noticeably.

At about mile 11, there was one of those mister things set up for runners to run through and cool off. I thought, this will be great! I’m out of the canyon now and there’s a lot of sun. This will feel good. I ran through, it was very chilly water, and I had goosebumps for the last two miles. My body just couldn’t deal.

After mile 10, like during my last (and first) half marathon, I struggled a lot. I had to keep walking here and there, and the last 1.5 miles were the worst. Mentally I was like, I only have 1.5 left, that’s nothing, I should just be able to push through it. But I couldn’t. I had a short wave of nausea and had to pause briefly yet again with only .2 miles left and a guy I know ran up beside me and I think just thought I was ridiculous. (And I felt a lot of shame about that moment later in the day, during my post-race emotional crash).

Pro: I finished the race and saw Haley, Deon, and Masson at the finish line, cheering me on, taking photos and videos, then sitting with me, getting me extra water, and loving me even though I was wiped out. Then I drank chocolate milk (SO GOOD), and we went out to breakfast at Denny’s.

Con: I didn’t get my goal time. If we go by official race results, I did PR by about 3 minutes, but that’s because during the first race, my running buddy stopped to use the restroom and I paused my Garmin.

If we go by my Garmin, I missed my goal time by 1 minute. I’m pretty disappointed. My official finish time (official race results + Garmin) for this race was two hours and 1 minute.

Also, the post-race blues, as Sam called them. I emotionally crashed. I had to go to work right afterward and I physically did better than I thought, but emotionally I just crashed. I paused at work to text a couple friends and just get it out. I was also doubting my abilities as a runner, and reconsidering my focus there (as in, maybe I should focus on a different distance or something).

Pro: My chat with Sam on Sunday. I told him what I experienced (not sweating, having chills, having little energy during the last 3 miles, that brief bit of nausea, and being bummed about not getting my sub-2 hour half marathon), and he told me: I was severely dehydrated, likely had heat exhaustion, and Sam —now an amazing ultra runner and placing in/winning 5k’s whenever he runs them— it took him a year to get his sub-2 hour half marathon. And now look where he’s at. (If you don’t know where he’s at, listen to my podcast interview with him because he is AWESOME and has worked so hard to get there). Chatting with Sam made me feel a lot better. (I guess put in the word “severe” and it kind of makes it all more legit?). I really did give it all I had. And I will take a break from running for a few days, practice better hydration during long runs, and see where I am at then.

Side note on hydration: It really did surprise me that I was dehydrated. I had been drinking a lot and eating well the day before, started my morning with water and half a Nuun tablet, and drunk a bit before the race and at every aid station. And TMI, my pee looked fine! Haha! (Runners are gross). But Sam noted that if my body didn’t have the salt to absorb it, something something something science. Ha! I don’t know. I’m not an expert. But it’s stuff I will figure out. Learning and moving forward.

I’m still disappointed about this race. The race t-shirt is so soft and I don’t even want to wear it because I’m bitter. Ha! My legs are tight and sore, more than I remember experiencing, and more than I thought possible.

But, happy things: friends, mountains, and finishing something hard. I’ll work on focusing on that.

Strong + Gentle Podcast Show Notes: Episode 5: Jill Kaufusi

When I recorded this episode with Jill on her front porch, that was our first time meeting. We had chatted briefly on Instagram a couple of times, but that’s it. Flash forward a few weeks, and I now work at her studio, The Station, as a yoga instructor! I thought Jill was awesome before, and the feeling just keeps growing.

In this episode, Jill shares her journey as an athlete, and of becoming a personal trainer and building her business. We also talk about the importance of both strength training and yoga together. Take a listen on iTunes or Stitcher. And if you feel so inclined, please leave a review on either as well!

Find Jill on Instagram (@JillKFitness and @TheStationFitStudio) and online at

Strong + Gentle Podcast Show Notes: Episode 3: Allie Vincent (Schults)

Episode 3 is with the wonderful Allie Vincent! I first met Allie about 6 years ago when we were missionaries for our church in the Southern United States. At the time, Allie was allergic to gluten, wheat, corn, and dairy, and was often too nice to say no when people offered her food that she was even allergic to. Ha! I remember one night having to drive us home from a dinner appointment down the backroads and Allie opening the door every couple minutes (while I was driving) and dry heaving. We were frantically trying to get her home and safe in bed.

Allie returned home from her missionary service so, so sick. She’d have good days and bad days, but a lot of restrictions nevertheless. Over the last few years she has opened up more to family and friends about childhood trauma. She has worked hard to recover emotionally from the trauma and simultaneously, as she did the emotional healing work, her body began to recover as well. It’s been incredible to see how far she’s come both physically and emotionally.

It was so interesting talking to Allie about this healing journey of hers. While Allie has always been bubbly and full of light, it seems that her peace has increased as well. She is healthy and strong. She is loving and balanced. The beautiful qualities she has always held are more pronounced now. It is just a joy having Allie in my life. I’m so grateful that I get to share her with you on this podcast episode, and I hope you feel her light.

Strong + Gentle Podcast Show Notes: Episode 2: Sam Monsivais

Sam Monsivais. Episode 2. Sam is legit. He’s not only a stellar runner, he’s also one of the kindest people I know, always willing to help out. I didn’t know him too well until last fall when I invited him to be on a Red Rock Relay team with me, and spending a whole day in a van with 5 other people just tends to bring people together. That led to “New Girl Nights” with me, Sam, and his roommate Dane (who we also mention in the podcast). And THAT led to a 6-mile run together down a canyon on a dark, rainy November night (which, at the time, was a long run for me) at the end of a really crummy day for me (or rather, in the middle of a really crummy SEASON for me). Earlier this year when I decided to really focus on running, he was there, assigning me training runs, talking nutrition and hydration, and offering encouragement. What a guy. I’m lucky to have him as a friend.

Thanks for letting me gush. Now onto the podcast: Sam has accomplished so much as a runner in just a few short years, and it was really fun to sit down and get the facts on how he went from carrying extra weight and losing his breath playing soccer with friends, to running ultra marathons. Sam also talks a lot about injury prevention and recovery, as he was hit with an overuse injury early on in his running endeavors and had to take a break for a few months (focusing on yoga instead!).

Our conversation was pretty long, so this was edited down. Purchase the whole Strong + Gentle program to get the full conversation.

Hydration supplements we we talk about: Skratch Labs, Nuun